She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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