watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize