Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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