Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
