I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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