is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
