I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
