Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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