I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
