I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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