he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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