on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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