eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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