what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
