i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize