I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
