goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
