the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize