this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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