I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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