I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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