meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
