Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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