I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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