Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize