You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
