You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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