why didn't you poke me back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
