Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
