we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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