I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
