Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
