Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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