yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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