Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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(773): View more from Illinois

smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it

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(360): View more from Washington

Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.

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(650): View more from California

I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.

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(616): View more from Michigan

We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!

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(618): View more from Illinois

Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?

(1-618): View more from Illinois

She was just sleeping.

(618): View more from Illinois

Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?

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