Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
