You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
