She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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