You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
