If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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