You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
