based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
