Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
