Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
