she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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