We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
