Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
