im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
