I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
