I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize