I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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