they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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