I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize