you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
