Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
