he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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