it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
