a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
