and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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