Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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