WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize