you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Boobs are out for the taking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
