I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
