i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the gays at disneyland are vicious
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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