do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
