yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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