Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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