Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
