dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
