People in love make me want to vomit
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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