glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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