Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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