if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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