I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
