I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
