I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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