Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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