we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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