You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
there is glitter all over my balls
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
