my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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