No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
