that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize