Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
