This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
