I cannot find my penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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