I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
