I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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