drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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